Personal

Some time in the next few days, I’ll become a father again, and it’s got me thinking about the nature of creativity.

The universe is an inherently entropic system. Whether it eventually collapses back into the singularity from which it emerged, or expands continuously until the very atoms that comprise matter rip themselves apart, this universe will end. Perhaps it is a cyclical event, and a new one will appear in its place, but that is academic. This universe, this time, this place in which I find myself… It will not be in any meaningful sense a part of whatever comes after.

Creativity, to me, is the act of striving against this eventuality. Making order out of chaos, whether it’s the chaos of ideas that fills my head and becomes my stories, or the chaos of matter sloshing against matter that becomes my children. Doing, building, giving form and shape… these are anti-entropic acts.

I find that amazing. What an astonishing turn of events, that an assortment of atoms came together and became adenine, cytosine, guanine, and thymine, which in turn produced my ancestors and, eventually, me. And that I, in my small way, can resist entropy, can make some tiny portion of the universe go the other way. I can create.

What an opportunity!

It’s time for another one of my semi-annual self-adjustment breaks. When I find I’m in a rut, or spending too much time indulging in time-wasting, unhealthy endeavors, it means it’s time to take a good, hard look at my life and discard the unneeded, unwanted, and unnecessary.

I’ve got a lot going on right now, all of it important. I’m trying to write a novel. I’m trying to finish upgrades on my house. I’m trying to be a good parent, a good husband, and a good friend. And I’m recovering from surgery to correct my deviated septum. (Long term prognosis: I’ll be able to breathe! Short term prognosis: Oh god, my face!)

So, I’m going to spend the month of May abstaining from several psychologically unhealthy habits.

First, I’m taking a news sabbatical. This especially applies to political news, which tends to suck me in and slaughter any spare moments I have in the day, moments better spent writing.

Second, I’m going to refrain from an activity I’ve been thinking of as “exhaustion surfing.” You know that nighttime moment, right around 10:30, when you think to yourself, “Self… You ought to be in bed, Self.” And then you stay up another hour surfing the web without any real direction or purpose, and gain absolutely nothing, not even mild entertainment, from the wasted time and lost sleep? Yeah… No more of that.

Third, I’m going to strictly limit what I do on the internet in daylight hours. The internet is a useful tool, but I’m not using it as one right now. I’m using it to distract and exhaust myself. So for the month of May, I will use it as a writing research assistant, and a communications medium. That’s not to say I will avoid all other uses of the web entirely — for instance, to watch a show on Hulu one must go to hulu.com — but what I won’t do is surf aimlessly. Too much of that is wasted time, night or day.

Finally, I’m going to read a book. I’ve gotten out of the habit, and reading is good for my writer brain. Failing to read is a bad habit all by itself, and it’s high time I broke this one.